Originating with Carl Rogers (founder of the humanistic approach to psychology) in the 1960s, the idea of “naturally creative, resourceful and whole (NCRW)” has become fundamental to professional coaching. But what does this mean? Is it a way to approach a coaching client? A perspective/belief about people? Or a fundamental truth about humanity? Let’s look at each of these, which I think will surface the paradoxes within.
ONE: Holding people as NCRW is an important way to approach a coaching client. To me, this fundamentally means that they have their own answers and it is not the coach’s job to give advice or fix things for them. It also means that, unlike therapists, coaches don’t diagnose their clients. We don’t label people, put them in boxes, or assume we know who they are or what is best for them. Powerful stuff and often revolutionary for the client. Humans are so used to giving and receiving advice that to be asked to tap into our own creativity and resourcefulness can really turn our heads around. And when we are asked, rather than told, we have to look within to find depths of ourselves we often were not previously aware of.
The science of this one is strong. Social science has shown that when we are treated as having autonomy and wisdom, we generally rise to the occasion. Neuroscience shows asking people what they want to do activates a “toward” state in the brain, lighting up areas associated with creativity, learning, and openness.* We want this in our coaching clients, because these are the ingredients for change. Also, when we hold them NCRW and they need to find their own answers, we are activating their neural networks and creating positive neuroplasticity. As one of my coaching students once said to me “Holding people as NCRW means the light bulb needs to go off in their head, not mine!”
TWO: People are NCRW is a perspective/belief. This aspect carries the coaching view into day-to-day life. When we operate from this belief, we treat those around us as having their own answers and their own direction. For example, having learned this concept when my son was about four, I did my best to raise him from this perspective. When people asked me what that meant to me as a parent, I said it was a few things. One, his accomplishments are his, not mine. Two, his failures are his, not mine. Three, he has the right to make his own age-appropriate decisions based on what he wants for his life. Four, my job as a parent is to help him get the information and experiences necessary to make those decisions. Five, I am always here for him as one of his key resources to call on, and he knows that.
Holding this perspective about most people in my life not only makes them feel more empowered (I hope), it saves me from carrying the world’s weight upon my shoulders. I don’t need to take on other’s problems, but, just like with my son, I can be a resource for my friends to help process and sort things out. And honestly, I prefer being treated this way by the people around me as well. I like when my people assume I am NCRW–most of the time. Which brings us to the third point.
THREE: People are NCRW is a fundamental truth about humanity. Ok, things get sticky here in my opinion. Because you know what? As powerful as this is as way to hold coaching clients and even a perspective to live from, I don’t see it as a fundamental truth. The science simply doesn’t hold up. Carl Rogers proposed this as his belief about people, not his research-based findings. And back to the first and second points, it is a lovely, powerful and even revolutionary belief most of the time. But it’s a belief, and that is different from a verified truth.
In my opinion, coaches (as well as many spiritual folks) tend to take this as an absolute truth. People are NCRW. They are all capable of change and growth. They just need to be held in love, given a chance, supported, asked the right questions, etc. Carl Rogers certainly believed this,** but the data does not support it. (Which is, I have to say, kind of sad.)
What do I mean by the data not supporting this? Well, for example, there are personalities who are so disrupted by childhood experiences and/or genetic heritage that they don’t have the a) the motivation and b) the ability to grow and develop. (See The Broken Mug Metaphor.) And honestly, we don’t need to diagnose folks to recognize this. We can look at their behavior. Are they typically conflictual and defensive? Do they always play the victim card and seem to be unable to take any responsibility? Do they act entitled? Are they habitually unable to regulate their emotions? Do they consistently fail to honor promises? When we are dealing with someone who displays these characteristics most of the time, real, sustained change is highly unlikely (and these, by the way, are core traits of people who score high in narcissism).
People who specialize in treating those high in narcissism (if and when they even seek treatment, which is rare because they typically don’t see themselves as the problem), such as Dr. Ramani Durvasula, say that in order for these folks to truly heal, grow and change, it would take an almost superhuman effort. Years of therapy and the kind of self-reflection, taking responsibility, and understanding of having an internal locus of control that is completely foreign to their personality type– as well as the way they have constructed the world. Is it possible? Yes, with years of work. Is it likely? No.
There are other mental health issues that also call into question the idea of everyone being NCRW, such as schizophrenia, severe depression, debilitating addiction, etc. Maybe in these cases the useful question is, in what way is this person NCRW? (Also a great question for parenting.)
And what about the rest of us? Are we always NCRW no matter what? I’m not. Sometimes I can’t see what is going on right under my nose, and I need my people to point it out, not just ask me what I think I should do. It’s rare, but sometimes I honestly need someone to jump in with some home truths and unsolicited advice. And yes, we can parse words here, but in terms of the idea that I have my own answers, I don’t always.
For example, there was the time I found myself in an abusive relationship and, like many targets, couldn’t see it. I kept telling myself it was getting better, it wasn’t so bad, he was doing his best, etc. My friends could see it though. But because they are all coaches, bless them, they just kept supporting me in my choices. Finally, one day in frustration my business partner said “You’re bringing your bad relationship into our relationship!” and it was like a bucket of cold water over my head. I woke up. I remember thinking in that moment, “Holy shit, she’s right. I do have a bad relationship! I’m one of those people with a bad relationship. I’m living in a delusion.” I treasure that moment.
FOUR (Bonus): We can hold a paradox between people being NCRW on the spiritual level and being NCRW on the human level. This one is a personal favorite and the way I resolve the paradox sometimes. As a deeply spiritual person, there is part of me that wants so badly to believe in the goodness of all people. And yet, I now realize that this belief is a bit naive and was even part of what kept me stuck in a relationship with an abusive man. So human level sometimes means giving up on people because they are just not honestly committed to (or capable of) real change. We need to have good boundaries with some people who don’t treat others well and are not devoting their energy to creating a better world. And we can still hold them in love on the spiritual level, understanding that perhaps they still are NCRW, but only on a soul level.
And thus, this is my best attempt at understanding both the power of NCRW and the paradox of what it may truly mean.
—————————-
* For example, see: A Case Study of the “Pygmalion Effect”: Teacher Expectations and Student Achievement, https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1066376.pdf and Coaching With Compassion Lights Up Human Thoughts https://sites.bu.edu/ombs/2010/11/21/coaching-with-compassion-lights-up-human-thoughts/
**A good article on Carl Rogers’ views can be found here: https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html